Chapter 15 - THE QUESTION I STILL CAN’T ANSWER

Spring came slowly that year.
Holly spent more time at home than in a hospital bed, which meant the house relearned ordinary things: cartoons before breakfast, socks under the couch, the smell of grilled cheese, the ritual of strawberry lotion at bedtime. We still drove to Boston for follow-ups. We still counted fevers, watched bruises, and waited for labs like people waiting on weather.
But we were living.
Derek eventually entered a plea on some of the financial charges rather than risking a trial with the records stacked against him. The medical-interference findings became part of the custody case and the sentencing picture even where separate criminal counts were more complicated. Consequences, I learned, are often less cinematic than satisfying. They arrive in probation terms, restitution orders, supervised-access limitations, and records that follow you longer than excuses do.
Vanessa gave birth to a girl and named her June.
I only know that because Aunt Jill told me accidentally. I felt nothing at first. Then later I felt sadness for a child born into the wreckage of adult hunger.
Calvin stayed in our lives in a way that no longer felt ceremonial. He came for Sunday dinners. He helped Holly with fourth-grade math. Once, while fixing the loose latch on our back gate, he told me my mother had always believed family was something you prove under pressure, not something you inherit automatically.
He was right.
One evening in May, Holly sat on the porch wrapped in a blanket, Captain Bun in her lap, watching the sunset burn orange over the neighbor’s fence. Her hair was growing back in soft and uneven.
“Mom?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Was Daddy always bad?”
I looked at her profile—the line of her cheek, the stubborn set of her mouth, the little crease between her brows when she was thinking too hard.
“No,” I said carefully. “But he made very bad choices, and then he kept choosing them.”
She thought about that.
Then she asked the question I still don’t know how to answer.
“If I get all the way better… do I ever have to see him again?”
The treatment was working.
The court orders were in place.
The trust was safe.
The house was quiet.
My daughter was alive beside me in the spring air.
That should have felt like the ending.
Instead, I wrapped the blanket tighter around her shoulders, kissed the top of her head, and looked out at a future that was finally open—but still asking something hard of me.
May you like
And I realized that saving Holly had given me back many things.
Certainty was not one of them.