Chapter 14 - THE VIDEO RICHARD MADE FOR ME
Seven months after the funeral, I watched Richard’s video.
Alone first.
Then again with Daniel.
Richard sat in the same recliner where I had watched cancer hollow him out.
He looked directly into the camera.
“Helen, I’m sorry.”
I almost shut it off.
Then he continued.
“Not the kind of sorry that asks you to tell me I was young.”
Good.
He described Walter’s pressure.
The failing company.
The fear of layoffs.
Then Anna.
“I knew she didn’t take the money.”
His voice cracked.
“I knew when you accused her.”
I gripped the arm of the chair.
“I could have stopped you with one sentence.”
Then:
“I didn't.”
No excuse.
Then he admitted the shares.
“I told myself I was only accepting what Dad offered because Anna would never come back.”
He looked ashamed.
“The truth is I wanted them.”
Daniel closed his eyes.
Richard continued.
“When the company recovered, I told myself I would make it right after the next contract.”
Then after Walter retired.
Then after the sale.
Then after Daniel was born.
Then after we paid off the house.
Every milestone became another reason not to reopen the past.
“Guilt can become another kind of selfishness,” Richard said.
“You feel terrible enough that you start believing feeling terrible is the same as repairing something.”
That was the truest thing he said.
Then he explained the dress.
“I asked Daniel to wear pink because I don’t want my funeral to be the last respectful picture this family has of me.”
I stared.
“I want one uncomfortable image attached to my name.”
Daniel began crying.
Richard finished:
“If Helen hates me after this, don't ask her to forgive me.”
Then:
“And if she hates you for keeping the promise, tell her the promise was mine.”
I stopped the video.
“No.”
Daniel looked at me.
“What?”
“That part belongs to you.”
He understood.
Richard could accept responsibility for creating the secret.
Daniel still had to own the decision to keep it.
May you like
So did I.
Nobody got to inherit absolution either.
