Chapter 8 - MY FATHER’S VOICE
Gary did not sound drunk.
He sounded old.
“Shelby, Alicia said I could leave one message.”
Long pause.
“I’m not asking you to call me.”
Another.
“I believed things about you because Trent told me I was helping the girls. Some of that is on me. I should’ve questioned him.”
His voice cracked.
“I also know I gave you reasons not to trust me long before Trent ever showed up.”
That mattered.
No rewritten childhood.
Gary had been an alcoholic.
He had frightened me.
Missed school events.
Borrowed money.
Once drove with me after drinking when I was fourteen.
My mother made him leave.
He did not get to become an innocent victim because Trent later manipulated him.
Gary continued:
“I have records if your lawyer wants them. You don't owe me anything else.”
Then:
“I’m sorry.”
No request for forgiveness.
No:
I’m your father.
No demand for grandchildren.
I listened twice.
Then put the phone down.
The next morning I made another irreversible decision.
I filed for divorce.
Not separation.
Not time apart.
Divorce.
I also began applying for jobs.
The first applications were terrible.
Five years out of the workforce.
No recent references.
Children needing stability.
Temporary housing.
Court dates.
Then Nicole helped me rewrite my résumé.
Before Hadley was born, I had worked in medical billing.
A small orthopedic practice needed someone part-time.
Interview.
Then offer.
Not enough to solve everything.
Enough to remind me I could earn money without requesting permission.
My first paycheck was $612 after taxes.
I stared at the deposit for five minutes.
Then bought the girls winter coats.
Hadley chose purple.
Ruthie chose yellow.
At checkout Ruthie saw a stuffed rabbit.
White.
Two even button eyes.
She held it.
Then put it back.
“I want Bunny.”
Her Bunny.
The one sitting in an evidence room.
I crouched.
“Maybe someday we can get him back.”
“Without the light?”
“Yes.”
She considered that.
“Then he can come home.”
Children understood repair differently.
Remove the dangerous part.
May you like
Keep what was loved.
I wondered whether people could work that way too.
